I've never really talked to anyone about this. But I feel like its time I actually let it out of my chest. I lost my Grandmother at the age of 12. That is the first time someone I know has passed, hell, its the first time I actually thought about death. She spent her last moments in the intensive care unit (ICU). We took turns going into her room. Wanna know what's funny? I couldn't cry. I forced myself to cry so badly but I just couldn't cry. I just couldn't. I grew up without a dad so my mum had to work to support me and her. I was closer to her than anyone. She took care of me; she would listen to my ridiculous stories at night as I sit by her bed, she'd purposely sleep later just to listen to me, she'd always make tea for me, she's always scold me when I did something wrong, she took care of me. And I love her. When she was gone it took me a couple of nights to come into terms with that fact. And from then on for a few months I would cry every night. I'd sit by her bed and pretend she's still there. I'd drink tea every day. I still do. No one really gets over this kind of thing you know. Losing someone can make you go insane. Losing someone close makes you lose yourself. There was one night when I was just minding my own damn business and a thought popped up to me; I couldn't remember her voice. I would spent the day thinking about it. I would spent the night thinking how horrible must I be to forget. I don't wanna move on. Its the only thing I have left of you. If you are watching me please know that even though I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I was rude or insensitive to you. And that I love you. I will never forget the things we talked and shared about. I love you Grandma. May you rest in forever blissful peace.